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Experts think that two of every ten college students today is a single parent, whether male or female. And the number of single parents in college is on a steady rise. This shouldn't really be surprising since single-parent households have been on a sharp and steady increase for several decades. Whether by chance or choice, single parenting is a popular lifestyle for adults today.

Today, there are more single parents enrolled in college than ever before. Single parents face difficult challenges, and single parents who are also college students have additional stresses and demands to deal with.

The Challenges for Single-Parent College Students

Single parents attending college have many obstacles and difficulties. They have demands on their time greater than the amount of time they spend in class. They must also study to achieve satisfactory academic performance. Pressures to perform in class are added to those they already feel from their home and child-rearing responsibilities.

Society may not recognize the added burden. Being a single parent in college doesn't change social expectations for making parent-teacher conferences, attending PTA meetings, coaching kids' sports teams, and the host of activities expected of parents today.

And people may view single parents in college differently. Even if having children was a conscious choice, people may assume that the single parent was irresponsible in his or her social and sexual behavior. Peers and professors may assume the single parent is promiscuous, creating even more problems for the harried student. So while the stigma against single parents has largely disappeared in modern western cultures, it may not be completely gone for single parents in college.

* Managing Time

Handling crowded schedules and meeting difficult time constraints is hard enough for single parents. There are so many expectations and demands, and the same 24 hours for meeting them. For the single parent attending college, time is a precious commodity.

They must some how deal with the need to study and keep up the grades with the need to take care of their children and give them a happy, healthy environment in which to grow. Class attendance and the children's extra-curricular activities may conflict.

Exams may be scheduled over soccer games. They may have to choose between taking the baby to the pediatrician and going to their own doctor about that bad cold. There are no easy choices for single parents in college.

Time constraints affect more than the kids and family unit. The single-parent college student has little time to care for their own physical and emotional health. Getting regular exercise, a healthy diet, and adequate rest may be impossible.

Finding the time and a quiet place to study may be one of the most difficult parts of their day. Often, study doesn't begin until after the kids are asleep. That means losing precious hours of their own sleep. Balancing academic life and a single-parent family are a Herculean challenge.

* Managing Money

Single parents already face the challenge of being the main source of income for their family. Attending college adds a significant financial burden to an already strained pocketbook and budget.

As most of us know, college expenses are significant today. The costs of tuition and fees, textbooks, laboratory fees, and transportation and parking eat into limited money for rent, groceries, and child care.

While student loans are available, they add to financial burdens unknown to college students who don't have children. Mounting debt may be a necessary evil for single parents attending college.

Is there any question, then, about why so many single parents drop out of college or get failing grades? Recent studies suggest that some single parents are choosing to put their kids in foster care or out for adoption in order to improve their lives with a college degree.

Those without a supportive extended family or outside resources may be forced to make this heart-breaking decision to give their children the best possible chance at life. The hard fact of the matter is that, without a college degree, the single parent may not be able to give their children a normal life anyway.

No matter how tempted we may be to judge the single parent in college who gives up their children, it is important to recognize and acknowledge their terrible dilemma. And for those that are able to pull it off, society owes a round of thunderous applause.



By: Abhishek Agarwal

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The parent-child relationship is at its most challenging when your child inhabits that wildly unpredictable phase that is often termed as 'adolescence' or 'the teenage years'. Parents and teens go through a lot of ups and downs and encountering frustrated teenagers and equally frustrated parents is not an uncommon sight. Many parents feel as if they are dealing with complete strangers when interacting with their teens and they are at a loss as to the best way of connecting meaningfully with their teenage child. This becomes all the more difficult when parents are routinely subjected to the slamming of doors on their faces, disrespectful and cheeky back-talk and a judgmental attitude on the part of their kids.

If you are a parent who identifies with these parent and teen situations, the best way to react is to be objective and look within yourself first. In the first place, is some particular trait in you triggering a violent response from your child? Do you truly empathize with the problems of your child? Do you even know what problems your child encounters on a daily basis or are you relatively alienated from the life that your child leads? If you are ignorant of your child's daily activities, have you made any serious effort to rectify the situation or have you just shrugged it off and decided to think about it later?

When answering these questions, honesty is essential. By being truthful, you might find the solutions to these problems within yourself and won't need to take any professional help to reach a state of understanding and mutual respect with your teenage child. Parents need to realize that during the adolescent years, the teenage child is grappling with the world her or she lives in. She is neither completely an adult nor is she a child and a perfect balance is very difficult to attain. This is an age when the child has to deal with so many different issues and that too, on her own. Some amount of anger and rebellion in the parent-teen equation is only natural and should not surprise or disappoint you as a parent. There are certain things that you can do, however, that will lessen the trauma and create a better rapport with your teen.

First on this list is being a good listener. How many times do we get angry when others do not listen to us? Why, then, do we become inattentive when our child is narrating something that is apparently important to him/her? Is it because we think that we can get away with it or is it because we consider their issues too trivial for serious consideration? What you as a parent need to realize about your children is that their life and their problems are very overwhelming to them. Adult or not, you need to accord them the dignity of being a rational human being and treat them in a respectful manner. There are lots of parents who have unimaginably busy schedules which make it difficult for them to talk to their teenage children daily and find out what is going on in their lives. For such parents, delegating quality talk-time on weekends to their children will go a long way in establishing a great parent and teen sensibility.

The next thing that you need to remember is not to be emotionally affected when your teen hurls a scathing comment at you. If you react in a similar manner and become abusive, you will lose the trust of your child forever. This does not mean that you become a punching bag and take whatever comes your way. You just need to be firm and cool when your child is being particularly insulting and state that such behavior will not be tolerated in your vocabulary of the parent-teen relationship. As for your personal feelings, you need to understand that what makes your children so audacious is their certainty of your support, no matter what they say.

There are a large majority of parents who do not make their kids feel secure. They are over-critical and judgmental about their children. This can lead to terrible consequences with the teenage child. Not only is there a serious possibility of your teenage child being rebellious and moody, he may start rejecting every idea that you put forth. Teenage children need large doses of encouragement and approval from their parents for their personal growth and you need to be aware of this when interacting with them.

You also need to introspect and analyze your ways of expressing your anger or frustration. Do you lose control and give vent to excessive language or gestures when you are angry or hurt? Perhaps your teenager has observed these traits in you and unconsciously internalized them. If this is the case, then it is time to acknowledge the fact and try to bring about a change in yourself before you try and correct your susceptible teenager. This can also be a wonderful method to establish great comfort levels in the parent and teen relationship.

However, you also need to understand that certain situations rightly provoke anger in your teenage child. Rather than indulging in the blame game at this juncture, you should talk to your child and discuss the other alternatives that could have helped to cope with the situation better. This kind of discussion will help your child probe the choices that were available to him or her and deal with similar situations in a more matured manner. It will also help to cement the parent-teen tie and cause your child to look upon you as a benign guide who is always ready to stand by him or her.

Another sensible move on your part would be to assign your teenager with responsibilities and give them more control over their lives. Having the power to take personal decisions is extremely valuable to the teenage child and most of them will use it wisely since they do not want their parents to be disappointed in them. Of course, if you have serious reason to mistrust your child, this is a step that you have to re-consider. In most cases, though, the teenage child will appreciate your treatment and trust and behave in a manner that will make you proud as a parent.

These are some small steps that can transform the relationship between parents and teens into something that is incredibly precious and beautiful. What you ultimately need to remember is that thoughtful parenting during the teenage years will go a long way in developing great adults who will always look upon parents as their friends.



By: Emily Watson

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