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Hester Prynne, the protagonist of Nathaniel Hawthorne’s The Scarlet Letter, challenged continuously on a daily basis about whether her parental rights revoked and her illegitimate child fostered. Absent of a husband figure and, in the eye of the public, holding a derogatory view, she was seen as not only unable to care for her offspring but also as an inferior roll-model. Similarly, parents today suffer the same dismal fate that Hester Prynne, from Nathaniel Hawthorne’s book The Scarlet Letter, endured subsequent to the Puritans prosecuting her for conceiving an illegitimate child.

Sense the conception of Parental Rights: All of the legal rights, and the corresponding legal obligations, that go along with being the parent of a child, which include: the right to legal and physical custody of the child, the right to physical access or visitation with the child, the right to inherit property from the child and to have the child inherit property from the parent, the right to consent to medical care and treatment for the child, the right to consent to the marriage of the child or its enlistment in military service, the ability to contract on behalf of the child, the obligation to provide financial support for the child, the responsibility to provide a legal defense of the child in legal proceedings, the obligation to care for, direct and supervise the child, the obligation to be legally liable for certain damages caused by the child, the obligation to see that the child attends school, and the obligation to protect the child and provide a safe living environment for the child (Adoption.com). its foundation has held strong providing the much needed attention and protection for our ambitious, future-leaders. With the recent uproar and government involvement in Parental Rights, with it arrived more control over who can have a family and how they may rear their youth. Under this Parental Rights theory, families with trivial plights are found estranged and with this theory, court cases inaugurated upon an unmerited foundation.

Unnecessary division of children from their parents may result from particular Parental Rights cases. Indeed the purpose of Parental Rights revolves around checking whether their parents are creditable then taking recourse to separation once the parents are deemed undeserving and failing to take corrective action (psychologyinfo.com); none-the-less, various cases may lack important proof; perhaps even false facts that present themselves to the case’s workforce. Though a “process of involuntarily taking away the parental rights of a parent that has abandoned a child, has without just cause failed to support a child, has neglected or abused a child, has stood by and allowed others to neglect or abuse a child, or who because of extended incarceration in prison, will be unavailable to properly parent or nurture the child during its formative years” (adoption.com), better identified as “Severance of Parental Rights”, states entitle the right to legally separate child and guardian if said conditions fail to be met. On-the-other-hand, Severance of Parental Rights falls short on covering what happens with parents that earnestly take the endeavor improving their lifestyle for their children, but nonetheless, do not make the grade; the legal action at this moment rests in the state’s jurisdiction without a respectable guiding standard.

With an underpinning based upon the salvation of maltreated children, Parental Rights assembles our nation together to battle this calamity. However, Parental Rights progress beyond maltreated children supporting parents who wish to place their children up for adoption and consequencely, facilitate in the quest of finding children to adopt (Adoption.com). Two ways for a child to be adopted have sprung forth: Severance of Parental Rights and Relinquishment: “In the context of adoption, this term generally refers to a birthparent voluntarily giving up his or her parental rights to a child, so that someone else can adopt it. In practice it generally refers to these parental rights being transferred to an agency, rather than directly to the new adoptive parents, so that the agency can maintain the level of confidentiality or privacy that the parties desire and have agreed to in the adoption. The agency then passes the parental rights on to the adoptive parents who adopt the child” (Adoption.com).

The loss of loved ones seizes a toll on peoples’ hearts. Broods affected by the injury of the termination of their parents’ parental rights suffer an equivalent toll. Children and adolescents who lose their parents because of a termination of parental rights (TPR) may respond with a variety of coping strategies, some of which may not promote good mental health (cbexpress.acf.hhs.gov). Accordingly the decision to revoke the parental rights of the guardians in fact – mentally - mistreats the child in itself. Furthermore, the parents endure stages of woe which is amplified by the pain of their children (adoption.about.com).

What seems right for children ought to be forefront in the protection of them; however, the outcomes from the assessment must be considered. Termination of parental rights must not be abolished; none-the-less, it should be revised to additionally compute the harm done to the family.



By: David Branco

About the Author:

Do not counter your parents.

Dalip Singh Wasan, Advocate.

People may believe that they have been sent on this earth by God Himself and we go back when He recalls us. But at the same time we shall have to accept that we have come here on this earth through our parents and up till now, we could not see a person who has come on this earth directly from God. Even the people who have got some place in mythologies and in history and who had been founding religions and had been telling us that they are God had come on this earth through their parents and none has come directly from the side of God. That is the reason in Hindu Shastras, it has been admitted that parents are above all and none on earth can have a place equal to parents.

Time is going on and we, who had started from stone age are now talking to the skies. In other words, what the parents could not do, their children are doing that. But still the children must understand that they had not come and they were not with all the wisdom, intellect and competency at their command when they were born. Their parents had been looking after them and they had been bringing them up. The parents had been saving him or her when there was cold, when there was hot and when they were wet or were lying in wet and dirty bed. The man knows that he starts caring for himself only when he comes in the age of 10 years or more and even at this stage, he is not in a position to earn and can provide himself for all the facilities which are required for proper development.

If one has an introspection, he shall come to the conclusion that he would no have survived had their been no parents or others to look after him or her. We all know that we need proper education, proper training, proper adjustment in life, proper earning and then we are to marry and settle a house. And lucky are those who have got parents and they could get all help from the side of their parents. The people who have got no parents because the parents died earlier or they had been lost in crowds, never get the same psychology as a normal child could get through parents. The child who got no parents to look after him or her remains all alone in life and he never feels that he has got someone to protect him or her.

The child is compensating his or her parents and therefore, there are chances that he or she would be having more education, more training, more wisdom, more intellect, more income and a higher status in society and in the work place, but still he is not better than his or her parents and therefore the child must keep in mind that he shall not compare himself or herself better than his or her parents. He must be thankful to his parents who could provide him facilities through which he could achieve these heights and should never counter his parents. We, the people of India know the story of Shri Rama who left his house only because his father had directed him to leave the house and even his rights to have the throne. It means, the order of the parents should be followed and no child should say that the order from the side of his or her parents is wrong and therefore, he would not follow that order.

You may carry out the order of your parents or you may not carry out the order of your parents, but one thing should be taken care of that you should not refuse to carry out the order of your parents at their face and tell them that they are in the wrong. The parents are not in a position to bear all this because they are living only with one hope in their mind that their children are obedient and they shall be carrying out the orders of their parents. This psychology and wish of the parents must be kept alive and the parents should fee proud of the fact that their children are advancing.

We must understand that all in the world other than the parents may feel jealous when we are rising, but the parents shall feel happy and shall pray for your more success. If we can pray for others, we must locate our parents who can pray for us and would always desire that we should go ahead and we should win all the ventures we have undertaken. Even your brothers and sisters may be having some love for you but still there are chances that they may not feel pleasure when you are rising higher and higher and sometime they may be having some property disputes with you. But your parents shall not be sad when you are rising. They shall be happy and they shall be proud of the fact that you are rising and rising higher in life.

So when we are allotting status and position to others, we should have more care when we have a look on our parents and they should be placed still higher and when we are doing all this we should not expect thanks from our parents. We are just doing something to repay the debt and we are not creating a debt against5 our parents. We are nobody to repay the debts which the parents have established against us and we may take thousands of such births, but still we are not in a position to clear the debts. So it is our duty to ensure that we are to say ‘yes my dear father, yes my dear mother’ and nothing more. No reasons and no explanations should be placed before parents nor we should try to establish before our parents that we are having more qualifications, more money and a higher status. We are still low and we should keep this position till our parents are alive and even after their dearth, we should not try to say that they had been in the wrong. They are right, they were right and they shall be right should be the lifelong idea with us.

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By: Dalip Singh Wasan

About the Author:

There are many ideas about how to raise children. Many new parents re-call how their mom and dad parented them and make parenting decisions based on what they did or did not like about how their parents raised them. In addition to re-calling memories from their childhood, they also reach out to gain support and advice from friends and family or maybe even take a parenting class. A very popular way to gain knowledge about parenting is to read books or an article on parenting styles written by Pediatricians or Psychologists. There are many different ways to raise children, but parents can now seek out Specialists to discover the parenting styles and practices that are the most effective and that lead to a positive outcome.

If you take the time to find an article on parenting styles you will find that parenting styles come in three main categories. These styles are Authoritarian, Permissive, and Democratic. Parents can be a mixture of these styles or fall in one or more categories. How a person was raised can have a lot to do with what type of parenting style they will have as parents themselves.

The Authoritarian parent always tries to be in control of their children. They set rules and expect for them to be followed. They usually do not like for their children to ask questions about why they are told to do something. Authoritarian parents, in general, are not very warm and affectionate to their children. Despite loving their children very much they are very critical of their children's short comings. Children of these parents have a difficult time thinking for them self, as they are always told what to do and never have a chance to develop critical thinking skills.

In an article on parenting styles, the Permissive parent is described as one who has few rules or boundaries for their children. They are very warm and loving to their children despite their children's faults or achievements. However, Permissive parents do sometimes get overwhelmed with the negative behavior of their children and don't know how to fix it because they have gotten into the pattern of not enforcing rules and boundaries with their children.

The Democratic parenting style is one in which parents engage their children into discussions and rules setting. They allow their children to see what the consequences of their actions will be and help them to avoid pitfalls of those actions. If you read an article on parenting styles, you will find that the Democratic parent is more of a teacher than the obedience police. They allow natural consequences of their children's actions to be the lesson. They do set reasonable and age appropriate boundaries for their children and are warm and loving despite performance.

As you can see, there are different styles of parenting to choose from. It is your choice as a parent to choose which style you want to have, and not just fall into one because that's how you were raised. Be the parent that you want to be!



By: Gareth Williams

About the Author:

We have been told so often about the common mistakes that parents make when raising children that very often the all important question of being a good parent is sidelined. After all, there is a subtle yet important difference between the two that should not be ignored. Many parents focus so much on trying to avoid the pitfalls of parenting that they become negligent to the good aspects of parenting.

The fact of the matter is that being a good parent comes instinctively to some people. However, the good news is that wonderful parenting is an art which can be learned and so there is no need to worry unduly about it. The first behavioral trait you will find in good parents is their complete lack of presumption. So many people feel that they know what is best for their children. The problem with such thinking is that it limits the ability to be original and deal with the problems of your children intelligently.

Having experienced the traumas of childhood first-hand does not ensure that you have all the answers in your kitty. Being a good parent means that you take the changing times into account and understand that a comparison of your childhood with that of your children can never be fair. The problems that plague and bother your child today will definitely be different from what you faced when you were a child.

Today, children mature a lot faster than we did when we were kids. For us, childhood was a relatively slow-paced affair while for today's young generation things change everyday and keeping pace with life poses a whole new set of challenges that we as parents are not aware of. Being a good parent means that all outdated comparisons have to be dispensed with.

One of the most common problem parents' face in present times is their children's ever-increasing demand for expensive shoes or clothes or other gadgets which their friends possess. Many parents feel that their children are being insensitive and callous and do not wish to pamper them by giving into these demands. Being a good parent does not mean that you buy things for your child which you cannot afford to in the first place. However, dismissing all demands by assuming that your child is acquisitive is also not the right thing to do.

Try and empathize with your child in situations like these rather than being judgmental. Understand that these demands are prompted because of the possessions of other kids in school. Your child desires the same objects as he does not want to feel excluded or inferior to others. At this juncture, a practical gesture would be to talk to your child and broaden his horizon of thinking. Even if he is young, you can bring about the awareness that material possessions do not determine superiority or inferiority and what truly sets a person above the rest is his humane and sympathetic nature.

Your child might not take to this idea like a fish takes to water, as it will be a different way of looking at life for him but he will definitely value this sooner or later. Infusing this belief also does not mean that you never buy the expensive things that your child wants. Wherever you feel that the demand is justified or that an occasional spending spree is not a problem, you can be an extravagant parent. This way you are being a good parent along with having a pragmatic approach towards life.

One of the secrets of being a good parent is to watch the ****** expressions of your child when he communicates with you as well as with other people around him. This will tell you a lot more than just listening to what your child says. Many children do not reveal their true feelings verbally as they have their own inhibitions. Being alert to ****** expressions and gestures is a good way of accessing your child's inner thoughts and emotions. Along with this, be a good listener to your child and devote quality time where you discuss not only his school and friends but other areas of interest that both of you have. After all, the metamorphosis of the child into a friend is the most desired gift to any parent.

Another great way of being a good parent is to participate actively in parent evenings. Your avid interest will be a great encouragement for your child to perform better and you will also get to know of his development in studies and other extra-curricular activities. Today, many parents are unable to help children with their school work as this necessitates some amount of computer literacy as well as knowledge of current teaching trends.

In case you have time on your hands as a parent, you could polish your computer skills and read up on teaching methods so that you can give a helping hand when necessary. Learning computer skills from your children might also be a good way of allowing the fun element into your relationship. There is even a possibility that your child admires your honest admission of ignorance in something that he/she is good at and takes a real interest in educating you. There are a lot of parents who feel the need to portray themselves as all-knowing and superior. There is no need to do so. On the contrary, your child will respect you all the more if you admit that there are certain things that you also find difficult to grasp rather than judging you as imperfect.

Even though being involved with your child's school activities is commendable, being a good parent means that you have to keep your eyes open for your child's reaction to your interest in their studies. Some children are perfectly capable of handling their curriculum by themselves and your zeal may be misconstrued as interference. In such cases, it is better to back off and provide help only when asked.

Many parents are paranoid about the times we live in and the issue of safety that has been so blatantly threatened by it. In a bid to shield their children, they try and set limits that are not age-appropriate. Children react adversely to this as they perceive it to be manipulative and controlling behavior on the part of their parents. One of the most important lessons you have to learn on the way of being a good parent is that coddling your children never works and your children will even start rejecting sensible and practical advice on your part so as to assert their freedom. So, beware of this tendency.

To sum it up, the whole crux of being a good parent is to accept your children as individuals who have their likes and dislikes as well as their strengths and weaknesses and respect them for what they are rather than what you would like them to be. Doing so will guarantee that not only are you a good parent, but your children are also great children to have.



By: Emily Watson

About the Author:

Co-parenting isn’t easy. It’s actually quite a chore. When neither parent is willing to negotiate or communicate, the child has the job of transitioning from one parenting style to the other. As a parent educator and family therapist, I have seen many anxious and confused children affected by their parents’ inconsistent rules and styles. Sometimes children do this under the same roof and sometimes under two, but the bottom line is that it is the parents’ responsibility to create a balance.

Parenting skills vary much like personalities. The differences can be as subtle as the setting of bedtimes to as serious as choosing consequences for bad behavior. The bottom line is adults have a number of motivations for parenting. For instance, they might try to do better than their parents. Thus, we attempt to find new and effective strategies to raise good kids. These ambitions can be difficult enough. Now add the challenge of joining forces with another adult who was raised by different parents and who may be select different strategies.

So how do parents, married or divorced, stay clear and consistent, raise confident children, and feel influential as parents? They learn how to work together and become better co-parents! Here are several successful co-parenting steps:

Identify your personal style and motivations. Your first job in becoming a successful co-parent is to figure out your general style and motivations. If it were all up to you, how would you parent? How would you motivate your children? How would you use punishment and encouragement? What are the top 10 values you would like to teach your kids? Now ask yourself WHY? Why would your style be that way? What is your motivation? How did your parents parent you? Are you attempting to repeat their upbringing or compensate for it? Share your parenting style and motivation with your co-parent. I understand that you might feel vulnerable sharing your style and motivation. Your style may be different than your spouse’s style. In order for you and your partner to co-parent successfully, you both need to appreciate and support the ideas you bring to the table. When you listen to where the other parent is coming from, it will allow you to join forces. Before deciding on a parenting style and direction, consult parenting books and classes. Now that you have looked at each other’s parenting style, take a look together at good parenting books and the current research. Report back to each other and consider how your styles measure up. Decide on a parenting style. You now have several examples of parenting strategies and philosophies. Its time to blend what you believe with what your co-parent believes and what the experts say. This is the ultimate in negotiation but remember that if you do not negotiate at the adult level, it leaves your child to figure it out. Once you’ve decided, then write down the basics and embrace your new co-parenting style. Implement your new co-parenting style. Now you parent! Both parents are on the same page. Children are clear on what is expected of them and what the consequences are if they do not follow the family expectations. Thus, it lessens the occasions of arguing between the parents and the opportunities for manipulation by the children. Hold weekly co-parenting meetings with your spouse. Since you are the CEOs of your family and are business partners in a very real way, you must stay in constant communication. The success or failure of your family rests in your capable hands. Thus, co-parenting meetings are a must! These meetings should include finances, home maintenance, parenting, and relationship issues. Meetings should be held weekly with schedule book, meeting journal and budget book in hand. Continue to review your parenting style. You may find that one child thrives under your new system while another loses balance. Good co-parents always re-evaluate and restructure when necessary.

We are busy parents today. It is difficult to take the time to evaluate our parenting styles but the payoff is big for you as a parenting unit as well as for your child. Co-parenting takes the pressure off our children and the conflict out of our lives.

Copyright 2008 Parent Education Group - Reprints Accepted - Two links must be active in the bio. The article homepage: http://www.familyauthority.com/articles/family-day.html



By: Laura Doerflinger, MS, LMHC

About the Author:

Co-parenting may not come naturally to you, particularly if you're a high-conflict couple or you're still recovering from the nastiness of a divorce. Divorced parents need to make a concerted effort to keep their conflicts with each other separate from their relationship as co-parents to their child.

Every year, 1 million U.S. kids become children of divorce. In settling child custody issues, their parents are likely to hammer out co-parenting agreements - committing to working together to raise their kids in spite of a divorce or separation. But co-parenting has its challenges. In the second part of our series of occasional articles on co-parenting, we look at how to make the transition from separated couple to parenting team.

Working together to help your child grow into a happy, confident and well-adjusted adult is something that all parents should aspire to. But it's not something that comes easily to newly divorced or separated parents, or even to parents who were living apart in the first place.

It takes hard work to craft a ""co-parenting"" relationship that enables parents to cooperate in a way that benefits their child. As separated or divorced parents, you choose to live apart because you can't see eye to eye on many things, and it's unreasonable to expect that you'll be able to immediately step away from all of that and become a cheery, friendly, co-parenting couple.

It can take months or years to forge a new relationship as parents together. But no matter how long it takes - or how difficult it is - finding a way to cooperate together as parents ultimately does pay off.

Keep your child uppermost in mind

Divorce or separation is devastating for children. It's normal for them to experience anger, sadness, helplessness, fear and withdrawal.

8 cardinal rules of co-parenting

In order for co-parenting to succeed, there are some important rules that all co-parents should follow:

1. Do not use your child as a go-between.

2. Do not discuss your feelings about the other parent with your child.

3. Always remember that your child needs time with both of you to grow up healthy and happy.

4. If possible, never argue in front of your child.

5. Be flexible whenever possible.

6. Think of parenting time as benefiting your child, not you or the other parent.

7. Envision yourself and the other parent as a team.

8. If you are the residential parent, include the other parent as much as possible.

It is impossible for you as a parent to fully protect your child from the impact of the divorce. Your family has changed, and you have to expect that your child will need time to adjust. But the way that you and the other parent handle the change of a divorce, and the years following it, has a huge impact on the kind of experience it is for your child.

The purpose of your divorce was likely to end the fighting, to improve how you both feel, and to create happier lives for everyone. If you go through the divorce, only to continue arguing and fostering unpleasant feelings toward the other parent, you haven't made a lot of improvements in your family's life.

You can't give your child proper support and attention if you and the other parent are always focused on what the other is doing wrong, or if you continue to dredge up bad feelings from your relationship as a couple.

Developing a new relationship that is low-conflict, pleasant on the surface, and routine will help your child relax and begin to feel more comfortable with the new arrangement. You will be able to focus more directly on your child's needs. Your child will function better if she knows that there are two parents united behind her.

Learn how to think

Learning to co-parent means making a mental shift in the way you think about the other person. This is a person who has undoubtedly hurt you, let you down, insulted you, or worked against you in your relationship. It may seem like a tall order to set that aside and smilingly co-parent together.

You need to mentally compartmentalize your relationship with the other parent. In one room, put all of your feelings about him or her as your partner or spouse. All the hurt and anger from a divorce goes behind that door. You can go into that room whenever you need to, to work through those feelings.

In another room goes your relationship with this person as a parent. In this room, there is a table where you can sit and work together to create a good life for your child. On the walls are photos of your child in happy moments. This is the room you must place yourself in mentally when you are dealing with the other parent in a parenting situation.

This compartmentalizing is something you must commit to doing. It may be hard to sit in one room in your mind, while you know that the other room is next door. But you must direct your attention to cooperating and welcoming the other parent into your child's life so your child can have the benefit of two parents who are reasonable, pleasant and accommodating to each other.



By: Alvaro Castillo

About the Author:

Prodigies are born, not made! Parents of prodigies have a very demanding role to play if their prodigious off springs are to make it big in life. Children who make dramatic entries disappear fast, as parents do precious little to handle their greatness. Pressure to perform and perform consistently, high expectations of an overambitious society can mar the greatness of the prodigies. They need to keep their feet firmly grounded. This article aims at analysing the role of parents from identifying prodigies to guiding their brilliant children towards higher achievements. This article elicits a select set of prodigies particularly from India to analyse the role of their parents in grooming them.

Introduction

A child, usually lesser than 10 who shows the ability to perform at very high levels in the mode of a well trained adult in a field deemed extremely difficult and under very demanding circumstances is considered to be a prodigy. Prodigies are generally spotted in well structured disciplines that extract superior mental abilities like music and mathematics.

But that could also be the conventional view of identifying child prodigies. Nowadays, even in fields hitherto unheard of, we can identify them as in the field of sports – where the criterion or the definition for ascertaining a prodigy is not necessarily by age (within 10 years) but by performance that include the level and the opposition at a relatively young age.

Somehow researchers have never been interested in a study of the prodigies. Dr Feldman and his colleagues attempted one in 1991, but not with much success. All that they could find was that child prodigies are more likely to belong to fields with concrete and established rules such as music, math and chess. Creative arts like painting, writing are comparatively rare perhaps because they demand greater experience. There are however a few exceptions.

Alissa Quart deemed a prodigy herself, claims that prodigies are predictable in quantitative fields while in qualitative ones hey are not just hard to come by but are even difficult to assess if they are prodigies or merely gifted children. Converse to accepted view, a child wih outstandingly high IQ cannot be automatically regarded a prodigy, while it is equally true that not all prodigies are endowed with a high IQ, because they seldom fare well in a standardized set of learning.

Sports prodigies are judged by a completely different parameter. A certain physical growth is required to show abilities and flair for the sport. This means we may not see prodigies under 10 years, but perhaps about 15 years. Most prodigies are identified in their early teens.

Role of parents in the success of a child prodigy

Research on the brain functioning of a prodigy reveals that not only are they amazing but very different as well in comparison to normal children. It is still not clear whether it is in their nature or is it that they are nurtured to carry out such astonishing feats.

Much of course depends on the parents. It is quite necessity that parents create an environment conducive to honing their talent. The environment stimulates the child’s overwhelming potential. Very often, the child’s field of interest would be the same as that of at least one of the parents. Facts from the past vindicate this point. Picasso’s father was a painter; Mozart’s father was a renowned musician and so on. But Psychologists claim that there is no compulsion to this rule. There are children with immense potential in a field completely different from those of the parents. Shakuntala Devi, the mathematical genius’s father was employed as a human cannon-ball in a circus company in Bangalore while her mother was a very shy homemeaker.

Irrespective of the child’s field of interest, the parents ought to stimulate the child’s fascination for the subject. There is a thin line that demarcates stimulation or motivation and pressurizing. When parents push the child for more, rather than allow the child to decide its limits, then motivation turns out to be stressful. This is an area that parents have to be cautious. Ainan Cawley, is born to a British father and Singaporean mother. He is a chemistry prodigy, who has taken an Ó’level in chemistry at the age of 6.At seven, his parents were pushing him for a University degree and were actually looking for sponsors. This would make him appear a puppet in their hands and not the scientific genius that he ought to be. Ainan’s father, Valentine, refuses to allow his son’s abilities to stagnate. “Imagine you are the strongest man in the world and someone says to you, try lifting something small like a banana. It’s like asking him to deny his true nature. Well, it’s the same with a child prodigy.”

If pressurizing the child to perform is one grave error, stipulating the child to meet their expectations is ever more precarious. Most American child prodigies vanish into thin air after a brief virtuoso in their respective fields. Itzhak Perlman a violin genius blamed it on all parents who have a self designed agenda for their children. He claims that some parents’ schema is suspect, as they want to achieve fame through their child.

Americans, in particular never seem to know to handle prodigies. The American society always demands perfection. Driven by these wrought beliefs, the parents of prodigies expect their child to behave well in public, dress up smart and generally present themselves in a manner that would conform to the part of the world they belong. Non conformists are generally pronounced a misfit however brilliant they are otherwise. Here is a classic example :

Alissa Quart claims that “the over-cultivated can develop self-esteem problems and performance anxiety.” She cites, Brandenn Bremmer as a living or perhaps a dead example of how societal and therefore parental demands of conformity can ruin a prodigy. Bremmer entered college at an incredible age of just10. Four years later, in 2005, he shot himself in the head. He had told Quart in an interview: “America is a society that demands perfection.”[4]

Jennifer Capriati is another case of withered prodigy. She became the youngest Wimbledon semi-finalist in 1991 at a tender age of 15. She followed it up with the coveted Olympic gold the next year. Just two later, in 1994 she was caught for possessing a prohibited drug called marijuana. Her attempt to revive her tennis passion after a short rehabilitation was amply rewarded when she became world No 1 in WTA rankings, but is plagued with a spate of injuries and has since disappeared from the scene.

The independent and flamboyant lifestyle of hers is said to be responsible for these activities. The Great American independent culture, imprisoning parents to question their child’s ways disabled the Tennis star’s home front reining her in. Hers is perhaps one of those that have surfaced. Several American genius dissolve into thin air through these juvenile distractions. Particularly when parents exercise no control over them.

Eccentricity comes hand in hand with prodigies. Charles Darwin and Albert Einstein are two remowned luminaries who worked themselves into distinguishable scientists par excellence and indifferent personalities. What is astonishing about them is that no one cared to take a second glance at them in their formative days. That Einstein was a school dropout is well known. This certainly adds to the already pressurized parents. The need to conform or belong rides heavily on them until they prove that they have traversed beyond these simple fastidiousness. But then not everyone can be an Einstein.

It is not really fortunate that we live in a world which produces amazing children to overriding ambitious parents, if the prenatal womb bound foetus enrichment products like BabyPlus Womb Songs and the high-concept teaching devices like Baby Einstein DVDs are any indication. Parents are anxious to help their children remain competitive. Such measures backfire as the child ‘s inherent limitations are summoned to respond. "Designating children as gifted, especially extremely gifted, and cultivating that giftedness may be not only a waste of money, but positively harmful," Alissa adds.

However, it is quite heartening to note that Indian parents in general have shown equanimity is guiding prodigies. S. Chandra Sekhar, strove all by himself without any unnecessary push from his parents to emerge as the youngest to pass the Microsoft Certified Systems Engineer tests at age 10 in the year 2000 is a case in point. In 2003, he is believed to have joined an elite group of scientists to work on the hacker-proof security systems for India’s major computer networks.

Apart from Chandra Sekhar, there have been many prodigies who have made it remarkable big. The culture and the family systems lend themselves to guiding children along to realize their full potential at the right time and not prematurely blossom to wither away into obscurity. Of course there has been a lot of pressure on the parents to ensure off spring success. Particularly with nuclear family and both parents working, the pressure is really high. Going by the success rate of prodigies in India, it can be assured that parenting in India continues to retain the glories of the age old tradition. Given below is a short list of prodigious children who have made it big, and have attributed their success to their parents.

Shakuntala Devi

Shakuntala Devi, Mathematical prodigy since the pre independence era, exhibited her penchant for number calculations when she was just 3. She used to play card tricks regularly with ther father who worked as a human canon ball in a circus company. Her versatile abilities at numerical calculations got recognized when she demonstrated them in the University of Mysore at the age of 6 and Annnamalai Univsrsity at the age of 8. Unlike other mathematical genius like Truman Henry Safford who lost their calculating felicities during adulthood, she retains her skill even at the age of 60 in 1977 when she extracted the 23rd root of a 201 digit number faster than a computer/ calculator. This is easily the most amazing feat of any genius in any field. In June 1980, she multiplied a 13 digit number by another 13 digit number in 28 seconds. The Computer Department of Imperial College London, had earlier made a random selection of the digits in these numbers. The multiplication problem of a 26 digit number in just 28 seconds engraved her name in the Guinness Book of World Records in 1995. Considering the time taken for dictating the number, that must have left even less time for the calculation, this is simply astounding. There is also an instance when she had proved the machine wrong.

But much of these were achieved not just because she was a prodigy. She was born in a well-known orthodox family of Brahmin priests in Bangalore. Her grandfather gave her early lessons in mathematics. The extended family set up in which she lived in her formative years, channeled the young whiz kid’s natural felicity with numbers. She was identified as a child prodigy when she was just 5. Since then her parents , especially her father, ensured that she was not over exposed, her education in the normal sense of the term was given top priority. Today she has grown up to be renowned writer, speaker holding a doctoral degree from the University of Rajasthan. The fact that she was able to balance fame and her personal life is ample testimony to the fact her parents stood firmly rooted on the ground, never attempted to attain artificial fame either for her or for their own selves. Genius from the age of three, a soul stirring speaker, a fine writer, a living marvel, an internationally celebrated mathematician – SHAKUNTALA DEVI, an inspirational role model for the youth.

Mandolin Srinivas.

"Some of you have heard or read about exceptionally gifted children, our own Mandolin Shrinivas, Sir Yehudi Menuhin, Beethoven, Sir Isaac Newton, Picasso, Madam Curie, the list is endless" That is where he belongs…

At the tender age of six U. Srinivas picked up his father Satyanarayana's mandolin. It is normal for the father to gently chide his son, quietly remove the expensive, rare instrument from his hands and in the process safe guarded both the instrument and the boy. The world would have lost the prodigy then and there.

Sathnarayana was not to be the commonplace, unexciting father. Upon recognizing the flair for music in general and the instrument in particular in his son, his father became his first Guru. He began in a very humble fashion and started teaching him the basics of whatever Carnatic music he knew. But Srinivas thirsted for more. The genius in him craved higher forms and he is supposed to have reproduced whatever was just spoken. Thgis prompted the father to rethink on tutoruing young Srinivas. He met his guru, Rudraraju Subbaraju, who realized the potential of U. Srinivas and began his classes with him. Rudraraju Subbaraju was an expert singer but had no clue of the instrument. So he would sing and Srinivas would reproduce the music in the instrument.

Mandolin was Srinivas’ first love. As a child he had never tired of playing on the instrument. His father was quick to realize his potential and recognized the prodigy in him. He devoted his efforts and energy in giving all possible support to nourish his talent. That he hailed form a not so well to do family did not deter either the father or the son from enhancing hid latent skills. Srinivas first shot into the limelight in Gudivada a little known village in Krishna district of Andhra Pradesh, during the Sri Thyagaraja Aradhana festival. He was just around nine years young. This took the entire Carnatic world by storm. His father would not just accompany him to the concerts but would actually be on the Tampura a stringed instrument essential to set and maintain the pitch.

When his recognition spread far and wide, he shifted bases to Chennai and his parents moved along. His father turned out to be his manager as well initially managing his engagements and concert schedules. He saw to it that the young genius is neither over loaded not over stressed. He spaced out his concerts in such a way that he got his fare share in terms of number of concerts at the same time enough gap between each of them for a well deserved rest.

His connections wtith the Western Classical musicians speak volumes about his undersanding of music in general. He has given several joint concerts with the greatest of them too.

Laurels, accolades and awards followed him wherever he went. But he remained unfazed by the newly earned riches or encomiums. Despite his active schedule, that included several foreign trips, he continued to learn and enhance his knowledge of music. This also meant that he had no time for formal education. His father was there to ensure that his son had at least minimal education, principally through private coaching.

The public adulation for the charming urbane smiling little boy continues till today, as a young man and would continue in the future too. So much for his popularly that it was generally felt if music is God's greatest gift to human kind, then U.Srinivas is God's choicest gift to world music

SachinTendulkar

"Sachin Tendulkar is an important person of our country. He is our country's wealth and we will protect him," said Mumbai's Commissioner of Police, MN Singh following kidnap threats he received from militant groups. This was the level of adulation he receives from every Indian.

One of the very few genius to transform ‘’stones thrown at them into milestones, Sachin Tendulkar is prodigy par excellence. One of the greatest batsmen of all times, he holds as many as 75 records in cricket. This in itself is a record, as no other sports legend holds as many.

Is Sachin a one day wonder? Yes and no. He is the world’s greatest one day batsman, but a genius of all time. That succinctly explains the equation. The following describes his entry into international cricket at a tender age of 16. A record straight away at that point in time - the youngest to make international debut in cricket.

He made his debut in the year 1989, in Pakistan. Sachin, under aged for a driving licence, nevertheless was facing the most dreaded bowlers of the times. Pakistani crowds taunted the young lad, with placards roaring “ Dudh Pita Bhachcha ..ghar jaake dhoodh pee", (hey kid, go home and drink milk). But Sachin was undeterred. He sent the leg spinner Mustaq Ahmed virtually absconding having hit him for two sixes in one over. This demoralized mentor the legendary Abdul Qadir. All the same, walked in and challenged Sachin " Bachchon ko kyon mar rahe ho? Hamein bhi maar dikhao ` (`Why are you hitting kids? Try and hit me.`)

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Sachin was silent, decided to let his bat reply. He obliged Quadir’s simple request by hitting 4 sixes in the over, humbling him for cover. making the spinner look the kid in the contest. The over read 6, 0, 4, 6 6 6, Sure, David destroyed Goliath ... and a cricketing marvel was born.

A short peep into his boyhood days reveals much about his familial relationship. He was born into a middle class family and not with a silver spoon.

He becomes emotional while talking about his family. His own words sums it all.

I won't be where I am without the support of all my family members, my coach Ramakant Achrekar who used to drag me from my home to practice at nets and all my friends who have stood by me all these years".Tendulkar said.

Sachin got his first bat, a wooden block that is used on those days for washing clothes from his Grandmother. And he still has that wooden thing as a remembrance. A total family man, he was groomed to be firmly grounded despite the name and fame he has achieved. His father Ramesh Tendulkar was a Marathi poet of renown. Realising his son’s potential in the game he was willing to change the school Sachin was studying to enable him to get more practice and exposure to the game. This change was instrumental in the record of 664 runs which he made along with his friend and fellow India player Vinod Kambli. They were in class 9 then.

Cricket was and is a rich game. But most cricketers even during those times would have a back up to their source of income. But Sachin’s father was more than just willing to let his youngest son take to cricket as fish would to water. Never compelled him about the importance of academics or even complete his schooling. He was convinced that his son could make it big in the sport of his choice and passion. The father allowed that liberty to his son.

His major influence on Sachin is the importance on commitment to his work that he inculcated in the young mind. This was evident when in the 1999 World Cup in England, he returned within three days to resume work after his father’s sudden demise. That was the commitment to his profession his father taught him. He did not stop there. He came back and scored a century in the next match and dedicated it to his father.

The imprint of the father that we cannot miss in Sachin Tendulkar is the humility even in the best of times. Never has anyone heard or seen Sachin brag about his abilities though he has proved them time and again. Honesty is Sachin’s watchword. He would never resort to unlawful means to move as much as an inch forward in his career. He would accept defeat with grace. In all these, we can notice the stamp of Ramesh Tendulkar.

Even today he is a supreme role model and an inspiration to many youngsters. A lesson about him is included in the high school English text book for the learners to learn the art of achieving greatness by reinstating high moral and ethical values when sledging rules the roost in international cricket.

Mumbai’s most valuable son has left no cricketing stone untouched and touched nothing that he did not adorn.

The recent prodigy:

Nine-year old girl M. Lavinashree, is youngest to become Microsoft Certified Professional unsettling the record held by a Pakistani girl . The wonder kid already holds a long list of records in her short life that includes the recitation of all the 1330 Thirukkural couplets. All these at the age of three when mort children would not have even learnt to speak fluently.

It will be interesting watch this gifted genius grow full strength to achive greatness in her life. Of course much depends on her parents and their parenting ways. With the full glare of media attention and public curiosity, the parents indeed are in an unenviable position to guide her appropriately. They face the greatest challenge of their times so that the child grows to achieve immensely in her life.

Conclusion

Parenting plays a very crucial role in guiding child prodigies in the right direction. Not all prodigies tend to make the news, but do go about their lives maintaining a low profile, quietly and successfully without inviting attention. They are known better after their time as is the case of Ramanujam or a Shelley. On the other hand, not all geniuses who make a dramatic entry in this world go on to become great. Much of their destiny is directed by the parents and their attitude, ambition and aspirations.

A great poet Thomas Gray, said

“Full many a gem of purest ray serene

The dark unfathomed caves of the ocean bear

Full many a flower is born to blush unseen

And waste its sweetness on the desert air”.

The world is scattered with a Shakuntala or a Srinivas or a Sachin or perhaps a hundred Lavinashrees. It is the prime duty of the parents not just to identify and reveal them to the world but steer them to accomplish the mission providence had sent them for.

Geniuses are born not made!

References

The Times November 10, 2007

Alexandra Frean, Education Editor 10 June, 2002, UK

Laura June, India Today, Dec 23rd 2008

THE HINDU, Sunday, May 3, 1992



By: Sumathi.S

About the Author:

Many parents may not be aware of what it takes to be an intentional parent. Of course, parenting is an ongoing process that teaches parents new things each day and leaves much more that needs to be learnt before they become a good parent. With their busy schedules, it is hard enough for them to be a good parent and intentional parenting may seem quite daunting and unattainable at first.

Not Necessarily Perfect Parenting

Intentional parenting may not be perfect parenting; instead, it refers to a parent that has mentally determined that some action or result related to parenting need to be performed. In other words, the intentional parent is an "on purpose" parent. Parents often tend to react to their children rather than have a plan that they have prepared in advance. This is a tendency that parents readily acknowledge, but do little about.

Some reasons that contribute to intentional parenting being difficult to achieve are vision, know-how and accountability. Furthermore, the biggest obstacle to intentional parenting begins in the mind - there may not be enough time for contemplating what hangs in the balance. In other words, parents often fail to realize what can be gained and what is lost if they do not invest in their children through intentional parenting.

Lack of know-how is another challenge facing parents. Parents will often be at a loss to visualize what intentional parenting looks and feels like, and what it all about is. This means that parents' lack a plan of action and it can be compared to driving in a foreign country without a map for guidance. To get over this shortcoming, parents need to read, research, and utilize resources to get started on the road to intentional parenting. It may even necessitate changing their strategy and approach towards the child.

After developing the vision and plan of action, there is still the task of implementing the intentional parenting concept. Being accountable is a good first step in this direction because when the parent deviates from the path of intentional parenting and may be slipping, accountability will enable the parent to get back on course and escape the mistake of falling out of habit.

With all these well meaning thoughts and ideas in place, it only remains to act with energy and time which, for busy parents, seems to be always in short supply. Nevertheless, with courage one can become a good parent. Every parent should be able to muster up enough courage and take the intentional parenting path, to achieve betterment of both child and parent.



By: Ann Marier

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